pummeled, a meditation on the state of things
i believe in manifestation
but i feel there’s a slightly stark difference between that and “think positive then the outcome will be such” — a nonlinear, iterative process and commitment to faith in contrast to one’s self-imposition of will. in the crises of suicidality, no one begs the question of what happens outside of that — outside of this antiblack ableist world, that has never asked,
“what else besides Will?”
what does “you get good days and bad days” mean?
in a fascist colony like the united states? for the Black racial captives?
“how are you doing” feels like such an abstract question to ask most times.
it’s entrenched in the grammar of the world do not entertain the question; if only we could refrain from saying what we do not mean. if only it were so simple people listen to respond not only because they don’t care but also they are deputized to institutionalize us — if we were machines to be fixed then there would be no point in the circularity of growth — but no one has the same twenty-four hours — everywhere lies some sort of contradiction or hindrance —
y’all toxic optimism bullshit will get us killed, alongside the triune pandemic — climate change — fascist cop cities and countless genocides that the imperial core has set its foundations on
i recall seeing some discussion on so-called “Leftist” twitter about how people in the united states want to be last to die — to cling onto as many illusions of choice as they can — even it means voting for a fascist, zionist genocidal pig like Kamala Harris — i couldn’t agree more with that. i don’t blame all the smoke that the world has for the white, colonial Western world — because all that smoke is deserved
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Patrick Jonathan Derilus is a Nyack-born American-Haitian independent Goodreads author, writer, music producer, and educator who resides in Brooklyn, New York. His pronouns are he, him, his, or they, them, theirs. He writes poetry, short stories, and essays. He is published in RaceBaitR, Rabble Literature Magazine, Cutlines Press Magazine, Linden Avenue Literature Magazine, and elsewhere. He is the author of Perennial: a collection of letters.
